Going around socializing or just internet surfing, we read all of these hypocritical posts from so many about following our dreams. Shallow posts, without meaning but just words. The same people later laugh at me when I explain my dream to them. Of course they think I'm joking, it's a bit absurd isn't it? I'm not really mad at them or anything, it's just that some dreams are hard to follow and believe in, sometimes you need genuine encouragement and not just shallow words.
On Thursday 18th November, I ended up confirming my great dream. This was the first day that I really performed music live, in a small rock band sort of setting. We played at Java Jive and Pie, playing Amaranth by Nightwish.
It was kind of sad though, I got a bit over concerned with the general sound and making sure that everyone in the audience could hear us properly that I didn't really pay much attention to the exceptionally easy song that we were playing and ended up making quite a few mistakes *heh*
I was very nervous, but not about the audience. I was nervous about what this experience would mean for me. It was a little bit of a test, to see if this was something I wanted to do again. Something I might possibly want to do for the rest of my life. Quite frankly, it passed the test.
The amazing feeling of being on stage was not lost on me. It was in it's own way ecstasy, a bit like a dream that I didn't really realize had happened until I wasn't there any more. It was then that I realize that this really is the one true passion I have and is the one real thing I want to do with my life.
I have made blog posts before about how I want to live a life that's different, how I want to find a way to make my self immortal, and this is kind of what I want to do with it.
If you haven't really got the big idea yet. My big dream is to actually be a musician. A bit absurd isn't it? I'm here with all of these brilliant friends who are going to go on to become great human beings who help our entire race through various fields. And here I am with my own dream of becoming a musician, an entertainer to say the least, maybe a bit of a selfish dream isn't it?
Right now, at this moment in life, I know nothing that I love as much as music. I know nothing that I have ever loved as much as music, and I know that if there is any one thing that I can do for my entire life and live a fulfilling, joyful life, this is it.
My entire life, I've never really known what to do. I wasn't one of those kids who instantly knew that I wanted to be a doctor growing up, or an engineer or anything. I was always confused. I also know I'm not the only one like this. And now, the hour approaches when we have to make decisions that will affect our entire life. Things like picking which university and which field to go into. Quite frankly, I still have no idea what I want to go into.
It's the saddest thing, that music, my one true passion. Is something that I have absolutely no natural talent at. Being born into a very non-musical family has definitely had it's affects on me. As an example, I cannot sing at all, while I do have a decent natural voice, I also have a funny accent, and am pretty tone-emulating deaf. In the sense that I'm not tone deaf in hearing, but in emulation. I'm also not even close to perfect pitch with my hearing. My sense of rhythm is for the most part naturally horrible, but through a lot of hard work, it has progressed so far. Ask any body in my family to keep a steady beat and you will be met with a laughable failure.
I only really started listening to any music at about the age of 10, and I only started listening to actual, genuine music in grade 9, the same time I started playing music properly. Such a short time, I know. But in this short time, I cannot believe the passion that has developed for music inside me. I feel like there's really nothing else for ME in the world. Nothing has felt as important to me as music. Discluding people of course.
A stupidly long and hard road lies ahead of me. As far as I have gotten with my instruments (guitar, drums, bass, future instruments) has all been through hard work. While other kids sit at computers playing Call of Duty, I am in my room, playing guitar.
But it doesn't feel like work of any sort when I play music, it feels so fun. It's amazing to always be challenging yourself. I've also noticed that unlike most of my musician friends, I am no fan of learning songs. I love improvising or just creating my own stuff. What does that mean? I don't know. I guess it means I like trying to be original?
To be honest, becoming a rich musician would be a pretty easy task. I already know I'm good enough to a point where I can go to a record company and ask them for a job as a session guitarist that would just play the easy parts that make our modern day pop songs. Songs that are made purely for money and not for the eternal beauty of art. But this isn't what I want to do, to be told what to do, make plenty of money and live with the knowledge that I helped mind game millions of people into making money for a company.
I want to be my own musician, I want to make my own art. This also basically means I'm going to die poor, unless I get very very very good. So yeah, that hard work factor does kind of come back and hit me in the face.
There we go my friends, THAT is my dream. Are you still going to encourage that I follow it? Or will you laugh and think that it's a hopeless cause. Will you think that I am joking, because it cannot possibly be true? Well it is.
It's a hard dream to even dream, one is faced by constant discouragement and frowning.
But what does this mean? Why do I still go to school and trudge over my math homework instead of practicing my guitar? Well because obviously I'm not an idiot!
In life, we must always strive to make it the best that it possibly can be. To me, I feel like playing live to 30'000 screaming fans would be the best possible experience I can have in life. But it is not the only good experience I can have in life. There are so many other things that are still worth living for.
That is why I still go to school and get an education. I do have other passions that are more secure for a future. Things like the sciences and history. I am still going to go to university, and try to get a job after leaving. But the entire time, I am going to strive to chase my true passion. I will try my best to become a successful musician.
Which is why when any body asks me what I want to do in life, I reply with a tardy: "scientist by day, rockstar by night"
If I pursue a career in some field of science that interests me, I will still have a good life. If I keep music as just a hobby, I will still have a good and happy life (assuming I make it so,)I just feel that it isn't the best of happiest life I could have.
That would be being a rockstar. Which I already know is a bit more than just the lit stage.
That is why I still plan to go to university and get a job of some sort. So that I do have something secure to fall back on, if my dreams and hopes fail (as they very likely will)
It's unlikely I will ever really become a rock star, maybe I am dreaming too big. But that's just it, if you shoot for the stars, you might just make it to the top of the tree right?
Now my turn for a genuine passage about following our dreams.
Live your life, assuming there is no heaven. Life it is as if when you die, you really die and there are no second chances. Find what you love, a true deep passion and chase it. Make it something that you actually want to do for the rest of your life, chase it. Make it your dream, chase it. Like a race dog after the fake rabbit, chase that dream. Because this is your one and only life. You have that one chance to make it the best you possibly can. Remember, you cannot do every thing. But you can do so many things that may at some point seem impossible.
Remember "We avoid risks in life, to make it safely to death" Don't get stuck living a life of repeated actions and motions. Stand out from the general crowd, do not get caught up in the web of the capitalist markets, make your own decisions because you do have the power to do that.
But that's just Zammar talking, he's a noob who dreams big and some day wants to go be a rockstar, there is no way on Earth he could possibly be right. right? ;)
Just because you want to be a musician doesn't mean m as a musician, you can't "change the human race".
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I think the most powerful of changing other's lives is through music; universal language.
Be proud of what you want to be :)