16 Cham St.
Mingora, Khyber Pakhtunkhwa
Pakistan
26th October 2007
Dear Mina,
I just saw your letter, and yesterday we saw on the TV that the army is fighting terrorists in Swat. Is that true?? What's going on? Are you okay? Is everyone else okay?
Uncle Masood tried calling, but it didn't work. Can you tell Abu to call him when you get this letter?
Don't worry about anything. The army is amazing! They have all these strong planes and tanks. They'll kill the terrorists and then you can go to school again (I don't know why you want to though, school sucks!).
Write back as soon as possible,
Alam
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Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Ichra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan
17th November 2007
Dear Alam,
I don't know if you've written to me recently, but I haven't gotten any letters. Uncle Gulzar isn't coming up here anymore. I guess he doesn't have any tourists. Why would anyone want to come here? Even if they did, I don’t know if the horrible Taliban would let them. I'm writing this because Aimal bhai was at the farm and he told me that he's going to go to Kalam. I asked him to get a letter to the postal service.
Anyway, I hope you get this letter. Did you get my last one? The Taliban are everywhere. They're like the police now. But they make up their own stupid rules and none of them make any sense. Ami and I can't leave the house anymore; Abu won't let us. You can't even imagine how bored I am, Alam! There's nothing to do. I just sit here and read my old books or help Ami with chores.
Aimal Bhai's been visiting pretty often, and he's told me all sorts of things. He said that in Matiltan there's a body in the market every week. A body, Alam. They cut off the head and hang it somewhere else in the village. It's horrible. I asked Abu if it's true, but he didn't say anything...So I guess it must be. Every day, I think about all the people I know in the town, and I pray it wasn’t one of them.
Bilal got in really big trouble. I don't know what he did, but one day Uncle Rehmat came running to our house shouting that he was being punished. Him and Abu went to Matiltan together. When they came back, they were carrying him. He was crying and bleeding, so they brought him here. Ami, me and Aunty Rehmat took off his shirt (we had to use scissors and cut it off because it was stuck to his cuts). He had so many straight red lines on his back. They'd held him down and lashed him. Don't worry, he's okay now...But I've never seen him cry so much before. It must have really hurt.
Oh Alam, who are these people and why have they come to ruin our lives? They keep saying that they're bringing Islamic Law to the country, but this isn't the same Islam that Nano and Abu taught us. And Abu keeps saying that. He's so angry and tense all the time, he'll yell at us for no reason. But every night, he tells me that this isn't Islam. That these are all just bad people. He says that they will be punished in the afterlife. But I'm scared. Because Jamal isn't a bad person. And if he joined them, it's because they tricked him. Will he also be punished?
There are rumours about the army. Abu and Uncle Rehmat often talk about it quietly over dinner, and Aimal Bhai told me too. We haven't seen anything. No soldiers, no planes, nothing. But they say that the military has started fighting further South in the Valley. They say that people are leaving their homes, or that the military's bombs are killing them. They say the military doesn't care about us Pashtuns.
Alam, we all miss you so much. But everything is so terrible right now that I'm happy you aren't here. I'm happy you're safe in Lahore. Keep going to school and working hard! I wish I could.
Mina
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Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Ichra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan
27th November 2007
Alam do you remember me? It's me your
Bilal Rehmat your best friend
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Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Ichra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan
13th December 2007
Dear Alam,
We're alone. Uncle Rehmat's family is gone. I'm adding a letter that Bilal gave me for you. He didn't let me read it...but It should explain what happened. It all happened so fast. They came one day – two of them. I saw them coming on their motorcycle, and I prayed as they passed our house that they would just keep going and disappear. But they didn't. They stopped at Uncle Rehmat's farm. Bilal was out on the farm, and they quickly grabbed him. He fought with them and then Uncle Rehmat came running out with a stick. He hit them, again and again until they ran away cursing him. They said they'll be back.
And the next thing I knew, all of us were running out to their house. And we were helping them sort through their things and pack or hide them in our house. By sunset we had a few bags tied to Uncle Rehmat's motorcycle. And then we all hugged and cried. Even Abu was crying when he hugged Uncle Rehmat. He gave him money, and then the three of them got on the motorcycle and disappeared around the mountain. I don't know if we'll ever see them again.
Right after Fajr prayer the next morning, we heard them coming. There were a lot of them this time. This time they came in their trucks. They went through Uncle Rehmat's house making a big mess. Then they burned it. They burned the house, the fields, everything. I choked on the smoke when the wind turned. I was really worried about Maryam. She's too young and was crying in the smoke, so Ami and I held a cloth over her mouth to filter it. They came to our house before leaving, and Abu talked to them outside. They asked him where Uncle Rehmat had gone, and Abu said that they'd gone to live with family in Islamabad. I don't know if that's true or not.
The other day we heard a loud boom in the sky. Abu and I ran outside and we saw three fighter jets fly through the clouds. They were so fast, Alam! I've heard them every day since. And I even saw a helicopter with two spinning things flying over the mountains. Every night since we first saw them, there've been explosions in the mountains. They happen so randomly, and always surprise us. But if you look, you can't see anything - no smoke or fire. Apparently, the Taliban are hiding deep in the mountains where no one else lives.
It looks like the army is coming soon...I hope they get here before the glaciers close the road. And I hope they don’t hurt us.
Love,
Mina
December 2007
"Alam, is that you?" I heard Nabilla's voice the moment I opened the gate, well before I could see her. The courtyard was hidden behind fog, as it had been every morning for the past month.
"Yeah, I bought the milk." I shouted back, stepping carefully over the familiar jumble of parts and tools to make my way to the house. She was standing at the top of the stairs, bundled up in a dupatta, shivering.
"Hurry hurry, come inside!" I jumped up the stairs, taking them two at a time. "Come on! Abu is talking to your Dad!"
"Really??" Uncle Masood had been trying to call for months, but apparently it never worked. I kicked my dirty shoes off outside the door and ran into the house, dropping the milk in the kitchen before backtracking and knocking on the door of Uncle Masood's office – it was open ajar.
"Go on honey!" Nabilla said, her hands clenched to her chest.
Uncle Masood was sitting behind his desk, the white telephone to one ear. One of the tube lights kept flickering, emphasizing the blandness of his office. A rug on the floor used to be red but was now brown, and it was windowless with white walls – bare but for two pictures (one of Nabilla, one of Danish). He looked up when he saw me, then nodded slowly in response to the voice in his ear.
"They've been showing fighting on the news. But you know how it is, you can only trust the news so much." He spoke slowly – because Abu didn't have very good Urdu. "Yes, it looks like it's mostly been in the South." He motioned for me to come closer, and I did. "Good, good. Zawar-saab, your son is here. Do you want to talk to him? Okay good, then Salam from me and my wife, may Allah bless you and keep you safe. We will pray for you inshallah. Yes. Yes. Allah-hafiz." He gave me the phone, and then pointed to the door and left.
I looked at the big white object in my hand...One end for my ear the other for my mouth, and a curly cable connecting it to the box on the desk. The box had a wheel on it. I wondered how it worked. Abu was on the other side. I'd forgotten what he sounded like. "As Salam Au Alaykum?" I said.
There was a pause. "Wa Alaykum As Salam, son." I remembered.
I didn't say anything, and neither did he. I tasted a salty tear and sniffled. Then I talked in Pashto for the first time in two years. "Abu, I've been going to school. I'm going every day, and my grades are getting better. I'm studying hard. I have a tutor here; his name is Zain-Bhai and he teaches me all of the things they didn't teach when I was in Swat."
"That's good, son."
"I'm working too. Every day, I'm helping Uncle Masood. I do all sorts of things. I do chores in the house, and I'm also learning how to fix rickshaws. The other day I took apart an engine alone and then put it back together with a new gear. Whenever Uncle Masood or Aunty Asma need something, I help them. I never complain, I promise."
"That's good, son."
I didn't say anything, and neither did he for a while. Then he said. "I'm proud of you, son." I could hear some familiar crying and moaning in the background. "Your mother's here. Do you want to talk to her?"
"Yeah."
I heard some shuffling, and then Abu's distant voice.
"Hey! Stop crying! For god's sake woman...Take the damn phone. Don't make me hit you. Get a hold of yourself! They can hear you. Hush. Stop it!" There was some thudding and then the distinct sound of a slap. More crying. "You're embarrassing me, you useless woman." Another slap.
"Abu, stop! Please!" Another voice, Mina's. But it was different now – she sounded much older. "Abu! Let me talk to her, just give me the phone. We're going to make a scene!"
"Fine. But you're wasting time. Turn off the phone in 5 minutes; it's an expensive call and Uncle Masood is paying."
Silence. After a while, I could hear Mina's voice again – even quieter now.
"Ami...It's really easy. Just put it to your ear like Abu does...You'll hear his voice...You can talk to him again...No, that's not true...Ask him how he's doing, how he feels...Ami he misses you...Abu's not going to call them again...Ami please just do it...Ami please?"
I scrunched my eyes until they hurt, trying to squeeze the water out. Why didn't she want to talk to me?
"Hello?" It was Mina.
"Hello" Why were we speaking in English?
"Alam, is that you? Can you hear me? As Salam Au Alaykum! It's me, Mina!"
"Jeez why are you talking so loud, I can hear you."
"Wow! Your voice is so different now!"
"So is yours."
"You're all grown up! I wonder if you’re taller than me now...Hey, do I sound different too?"
"Yeah, you're still really annoying though."
"Hey! Be respectful. I'm almost fifteen now don't you know."
"No you're not! Your birthday's in September."
"Wow, I'm surprised you remembered!" I could hear some noises in the background – people talking to one another. "Tell me, Alam! How's Lahore? How's school? How's Hamza? Tell me everything!"
"Wait, why didn't Abu pick up when Uncle Masood called before?"
"What do you mean?"
"We tried calling Abu before but he never picked up."
"Oh..."
"Mina?"
"I should have mentioned it in my letters...Abu's phone wasn't working. He couldn't call anyone. He said it was because of those people...They took over all the radio towers in Matiltan and weren't letting anyone make calls."
"Oh, I see. I was wondering if something bad had happened before I got your letters."
"Were you worried about us?" She said, quietly.
"Yeah of course. I saw fighting on the news and your letters sounded so bad. Bilal's gone now? What happened? Did those bad guys do anything to you or Abu or Ami? What happened to them? Are they gone now?"
"Yeah, they’re gone..." Her voice was so quiet – almost quieter than the noises in the background. Was she crying?
I felt my stomach turn, another tear rolling down my eyes. "Mina, what happened?" She didn't say anything. "Mina, what happened? What happened with Jamal? With Bilal? Did they do something to you? To Abu? Mina...?"
"Sorry Alam...It was easier to write letters...Don't worry about it. I'm glad you weren't here."
"I could've fought them! I would've beaten up Jamal before he did anything bad. I would've stopped them from hurting Bilal." She didn't say anything. Of course, I wasn't being serious. I'd seen the TV – those people had guns. "But the army came, didn't they?"
"Yeah, they came...Actually there's two of them in the house right now."
"What? Really? That's so cool! Tell me about them! What kind of planes did you see? Did they come in a helicopter? What kind of guns do they have? Are they super fit?"
She laughed, a quiet laugh followed by a sniffle. "Wow, you really like the army don't you?"
"They're so cool!"
"Yeah...They came to our house two days ago. We hadn't seen the bad guys for a while, and we'd seen the planes every day. None of us had gone to Matiltan, we were just hiding in the house because we're done planting and winter's here now. "
"How many were there? Did they have jeeps or tanks?"
"Tanks?" She laughed. "No, they just had a bunch of big army jeeps. I think there were four of them full of soldiers when they first came. The first time, they talked to Abu and then kept going up the road. And then we saw them again on their way back. Then one of the jeeps stopped and they asked Abu if they can stay for the winter. Because the glaciers are going to cut off the road, they want to make sure the...the bad guys don’t come back."
"So, there's two soldiers in the house? What're they like?"
"Okay so there's Haroon bhai and Sohrab uncle. Haroon bhai is pretty new to the army, he's really young! I think he must be twenty or something. And Sohrab uncle has a bunch of stars on his uniform. Abu told me he's...uh...something...There was a word."
"Oh like a Private? No he wouldn't be a Private. He must be a Major or Colonel or something"
"Yeah I guess. Okay okay so don't tell anyone, promise you won't tell anyone."
"What?"
"Okay so Haroon bhai...he's kind of cute...Like really cute."
"Cute?"
"Yeah! Like when a guy is cute and the girls like him...He's like that. He must have lots of girls liking him."
"That's gross, Mina."
"I'm just saying!"
"You know Abu would kill you if you talk too much to him, right?"
"Yeah I know..."
"I'm kind of jealous, I wish I could live with soldiers. Do you think they would let you sit in their jeep? Or try their guns?"
"You're jealous? No way. You're going to school in Lahore! I'm the one that's jealous. Okay enough about me. Home is the same as always, it's so boring! Tell me about Lahore! What're you learning in school? What do you do in Uncle Masood's shop? Can you fix a rickshaw yet? What's Hamza like? What kind of stuff do you guys do? What..."
"Okay hold on, you're asking too many questions."
"Well you have to answer them! You don't say anything in your letters!"
"What should I say? Lahore is boring too. There's too many people."
"But that's a good thing! You must meet so many people!"
"Not really...There's a lot of people, but it's not the same as it was in Swat. You don't talk to people, everyone is too busy and just does their own work."
"They don't talk to each other?"
"No, they do...But it's different. Only if they know each other. It's not like how we knew so many people in Matiltan or anything, because there's too many people. It's hard to talk to strangers here."
"Yeah because they're all busy doing work! What are you learning in school? It must be so interesting!"
"No... School sucks. It's hard and I have to do a lot of work at home before I understand what we learned."
"That's so cool! You're lucky."
"No I'm not, I hate school."
"Alam don't say that!"
"Why not? It's boring and hard and a waste of time."
"That's not true...I wish I could go to school..."
"Oh right, I forgot what you said in your letter..."
"That's okay. Tell me about Hamza, what's he like?"
"What do you mean? He's just my friend."
"Yeah but what kind of stuff do you guys do? Do you go exploring like you did with Bilal? I hope you don't skip class anymore."
"No, we don't really do that...We just talk and look at magazines and play army. Oh, and also Hamza's brother has a computer so we play on that too."
"He has a computer? That's so cool! What's it like?"
"It's awesome! We can play cricket on it, and we can play car racing. Oh, and we can look at pictures of anything, like planes and tanks and stuff."
"That sounds incredible!"
"Yeah it is! But his sister's really annoying so sometimes we just play outside."
"Aww, I bet she just wants to play with you guys."
"No... You just haven't met her."
"Ooh! Have you seen the Minar-E-Pakistan yet? What about Badshahi Masjid?"
"No... I don't even know what that is."
"What?! But you've been there for two years! Those are the most famous places in Pakistan! You should go and visit!"
"I don't even know where they are, and the city is so big and I'm too busy."
"Alam come on! You have to go and tell me what it's like!"
"Fine, I'll go."
"Yay thanks! Then you'll be a proper Lahori! You know, I wasn't going to say this but your pashto sounds so funny now!"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, it just sounds funny."
"Shut up, Mina. You're just dumb."
She laughed. "Sorry! I bet your Urdu and Punjabi are great though. Hey, do you want to talk in Urdu?" She changed languages for the last bit.
"Fine, but your Urdu is horrible." I said, in Urdu.
"No it's not! I practice it all the time."
"Yeah, but it sounds funny."
"Actually, your Urdu sounds so much better now!"
"Yeah because that's all people speak here...I couldn't understand anything anyone said for the first few months."
"But look at you now! You're so lucky! No one wants to practice Urdu with me so I just write it down and talk to myself. Abu once asked me why I keep talking to myself."
"That's pretty weird."
"Ooh, I started teaching Maryam Urdu!"
"She can speak now?"
"Yeah! She says all sorts of funny things."
"Wow...can she walk as well? She was tiny the last time I saw her."
"Yeah! She's so cute! Actually, I was telling Ami she looks just like you!"
"Oh..."
There was a pause and then Mina did a little cough. "Uh do you want to talk to her? I can go find her, she might be asleep though..."
"Hey Mina, why didn't Ami want to talk to me?"
"Sorry what do you mean? One second, I'll go look for Maryam."
"Wait. Mina, I heard you before with Ami. Why doesn't she want to talk to me?" She didn't reply. "Mina?"
"I don't know...It's just hard I guess...She misses you so much!"
"If she missed me, she'd want to talk to me."
"But...It's complicated I think...With you gone...And then Jamal...It's just really hard for her..."
"That doesn't make any sense! It's all Jamal's fault. It's his fault I'm here. It's his fault for being a bad person. Don't you remember? He was always like that. He always liked hurting things."
"Alam...That's not true...He's your brother..."
"No he's not!"
"Alam..." Neither of us spoke for a bit. I was too angry. "We all miss you. Really, we do. I think for Ami it's just easier...I guess it's just easier for her to forget for now...Sorry! I don't mean it like that! That was a horrible thing to say!"
"Oh I see..."
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it that way!"
"It's okay."
"It’s just really hard...Bilal's gone too now...It's so lonely. We're going to be alone for winter."
"Can't Abu call Uncle Rehmat and tell him the army is here and that they're safe now? They can come back."
"I asked Abu that, and he just told me that they're not safe..."
"But the Army is there!"
"I guess...I don't know. Let's not talk about it."
"But they should come back! How can they all just leave home? It won't be the same without them..."
"You left home too, Alam."
"Yeah but I didn't have a choice!"
"It's just a bad time right now...Maybe someday, if god wills, they'll come back."
"They should..."
"Oh! You didn't tell me anything about your job!"
"My job?"
"Yeah! With the rickshaws. Can you fix any broken rickshaw yet?"
"Not really...I can fix a lot of things though. There're still some things that Raja and Naveed don't let me touch because they say I might break it. But I know how to do it...It's actually pretty easy."
"That's so cool! Are you still sleeping in a rickshaw?"
"What? Oh, no I stopped that a few months ago...It's too small now."
"Wow! You must've gotten so tall!"
"Not really...The rickshaw is just tiny. I'm in Raja and Naveed's room now...Naveed got married so he moved out and bought his own house."
"Oh is it a room in the house?"
"No, it's another building in the shop...There's just one room and a bathroom. It's so much better than the rickshaw. I actually have space to study and sleep."
"I'm glad to hear it! And you're studying so hard! I'm proud of you little brother!"
"Shut up"
"I am!"
The door to Uncle Masood's office opened suddenly, causing me to jump in shock. Aunty Asma was standing there, arms crossed and brow furrowed.
"You're still on the phone? Don't you have work to do?"
"Sorry!" I said. "Mina, I have to go!"
"Oh okay...Bye Alam!"
"Bye!"
"Hey Alam..."
"What?" Aunty Asma was glaring at me.
"I love you!"
"Okay, me too, bye!"
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