And he observes a common social effect amongst his friends

Wednesday 20th October was the day to wear purple so that we may commemorate the suicides that are caused by homophobia. To commemorate the deaths of regular people like me and you who felt they were alone due to a common social fear, who felt they had no other choice and there was nothing in life for them but to move on and explore that void beyond that tempts us all.

As can be seen by this picture, I did try to participate in this event. Sadly however, I had no real purple clothes hence I worse my closest (maroon) and added a sign to it (:

I have however come to learn, that homophobia is every where. Even in this school and country where all people are seemingly accepted without argument for what they are, homophobia amongst other forms of discrimination thrives. I mean it's easy enough to argue, you can go up to someone and ask if they are homophobic, you would usually receive a response in the negative, but honestly I feel that not every one truly understand just what they are.

I my self have gone up to many guys and attempted to do some rather interestingly gay things as a curious experiment, I wish to observe their reaction. Almost always, you would get the same reaction, one of disgust and fear in their eyes, the same people who earlier claimed to not be homophobic. How ever, I also have faith that if a homosexual person was actually to come up to most of these people, sit down and explain their predicament, they would be at least understanding to an extent they wouldn't shun him/her but they would definitely not reach out their hand in friendship. What most people also don't understand, is that initial shunning that I received, that from every body who did it would be enough to drive one to suicide.

Why do people do this my friends? Those who know that sexuality is not a choice, but rather something you are born with, why do they turn this blind eye?
Well I suppose the answer is pretty obvious and that is the social effect really.

I think most people feel that by not acting disgusted and what not, they send the wrong message across to their friends and peers and basically every one there. They feel that if left to even talk to this person, they would cause a drop in their own popularity. Yet it's a funny thing, because I think most people don't truly notice it when other people do it, it doesn't bother them as much.

Usually, people don't think about it, they just react accordingly to instinct, to what they have been growing up with around their friends and the popular media

Why do you do this my friends? Why do we all just try to fit the same pattern, try to be just like each other, to have many friends who think of us as just another friend? Why not try to create your own unique personality that every one sees, so that they you are so more easily identifiable and are thought of as more of an individual, why not be unique? Why just try to fit the popular trend, after all only dead fish go with the flow. I suppose most of my fish friends are dead then :/

I see it increasingly every day, certain friends of mine that change their routines, go against their nature and try to force something new simply to achieve a goal of appearing different in other peoples eyes. They say what would be expected to fit the scenario, to make every body else laugh instead of saying what their instinct and nature tells them to. This is one of the many sadnesses of high school, but of course I think I"m making it a bit cliche too.

Back to the point, homosexuality really is not a choice. I want you, my friends to think about it. In this society of ours where homosexual people are seemingly shunned to no end to a point where many commit suicide, what person would rightly choose to go into this pit of infernal hell and choose to be a homosexual? What kind of thing would drive them to it?

And another point, if homosexuality was a choice, then the bodies chemistry would remain unchanged. As in, men would still be turned on by women and women still by men even though they "choose" to like men instead of women. Assuming they choose, there is no feasible way that two men would be able to participate in sexual intercourse with their choice in mind simply because their bodys chemistry would not be triggered by a member of the same sex.

No it's pretty obvious that homosexuality is something that a person is born with. Many claim that "god" created Adam and Eve, a man and woman to reproduce, well did "god" also create mental diseases such as Autism? oh he did? When after creating Adam and Eve? well then I guess he must have created homosexuality after wards too.

I'm actually pretty sure that the whole religions being anti homosexual must have arisen during the middle ages or so to create a distraction away from the church doing what ever they were doing. But that's not in my place to discuss.

Now one can farther argue that homosexuality is something that one is born with, or that something that one chooses at what ever point in their life time. However, I do not see how this matters at all, to shun and disregard a person no matter if it's their choice or nature is morally wrong.

One must also keep something else in mind. Just because a person is homosexual, does not mean that they are going to run around raping and kissing every other member of the same sex as them. Homosexuality simply means that they are attracted to the same gender and not the opposite. I personally am not attracted to every single girl I meet, I may never be attracted to any one I do meet and if I am attracted to one, it is simply that one and not all. The same applies to homosexuals, just for the same gender.

Now back the previous point, we must accept all, Assuming that their choice or nature does not necessarily hurt someone (such as someone choosing to be a murderer), we must still learn to respect each others choices. And we must not let our social interactions get in the way of what we make of ourselves

You are who you are my friends, do not change yourself to fit in better socially or anything, humans are created with natural instincts, we naturally gravitate towards those who would best suit our own personality, those who would have best increased both our chances of survival in the vast African savanna. it is not something that we should force and change so that we ourselves may fit in. This is also not something that any homosexual person should need to lie or try to change about them selves.

Live your life my friends, die with your own personality, and not someone elses.

And he remembers his very own origins

This blog post is a tad bit late, as I have been slightly busy these days with a continuous and tedious routine.





Last Thursday (Thursday October 7th 2010) [for future reference] was the day that I became a Canadian.
Last Thursday, that was the day that I held up my hand to be bond in a way more than one to a new country through nothing but words.
Last Thursday was when I took the citizenship oath, and sang Oh Canada for the first time as a Canadian.

I am now proud to be Canadian, I am lucky to have been born into a family capable of bringing me to the land of opportunities as it once was. To me, a growing teenager in the midst of his teenage angst, Canada really seems like the perfect place for me to be. It's a place where I am accepted, where no real racism is dominant and a place where I can easily secure a foothold for my future.

Canada is, for now at least where I feel I belong. But How did I get here?

I was born at ~4:45AM on Thursday, 24th January of 1994. The same day on which Caligula was assassinated by his guards back in 41 BC. A birthday that I share with Mr. John Myung from Dream Theater.

I was born in just an ordinary hospital on the skirts of Lahore, Pakistan, my native country.

As a youngster, I had an unimaginable amount of patriotism for my country. I had immense pride in being a Pakistani. To me, it was the greatest. Every thing Pakistani was the way to go. I loved the Cricket team, I loved the food (still do), I loved the National Anthem, the flag, the military, the Himalayan mountain range, the people, every single aspect of the country was something I adored. I refused to ever believe that my beloved country could commit any thing evil or be considered evil in any way.
Was I blinded by patriotism? Yes. But was I happy? Definitely.

I have always been a proud Pakistani, until recently. Recently I have begun to see the corrupt government, the infrastructure failures, deathly poverty and worst, the failures of our Cricket team! :( I can honestly say, that just a few months ago I was embarrassed to an extent to be Pakistani. I felt like my country had created a bad name for it self, and that some how I was partially responsible too.

But there are certain aspects of life that are un negotiable, as Bruce Dickinson put it. One of these, is your origin

One must never forget where he or she comes from, his true origins. This accounts for everything in life, I will never forget my origins of guitar playing that date back to simply watching one video of Randy Rhoads playing and being inspired. So too, will I never forget the real origins of my birth, of my existence.

I have re developed the pride I once had in Pakistan. I can appreciate all the good things, and I can appreciate the many ways in which to improve the country. I will always cheer for the Pakistani cricket team. Why?

Because my friends, I am still a Pakistani. There are certain bonds that fate will put on you the moment you are born, bonds that you have no power to change, bonds such as your nationality, your parents, siblings, your very genetic material, appearance and the such. This is one of them, I will always be a Pakistani.

Yet I have now become a Canadian. I am also a Canadian and there is no other way to put it. I am Canadian, that is from Pakistan. And I am proud of it.

The whole point of this post my friends, is to explain the importance of your origins.
Any thing you do in life, remember why you do it, what caused you to do and revisit often, it will often help you see how far you have come and the such.

Other than that, never be embarrassed by your nationality or any thing. Do not try to hide away behind another culture, rather embrace your own, believe in it for your culture is your origin. Times, place and people will change, but what was never will and so, remember that every thing that happened in the past has brought you to what you are right now. Every small aspect of your life has created the whole. The small things that change our life, never forget those. Never forget what they do for you. Never forget how every thing started, never ever forget your origins.

And he reflects on the futility of his existence

I had a bit of a revelation the other day while doing my homework. It's something I really felt I had to write about. I suppose the repetition in the post kind of serves the purpose and meaning behind it pretty well.

This post is very emotional to me, I cannot put all of it into words, and I think I've done a pretty bad job of what I did put into words. Some day I'll use music for it.
But this also serves as a warning, please do not let this post ruin your day.


Allow me to give a quick synopsis of my everyday these days.

Every day I wake up in the same fashion in the morning at 7:25ish due to the calamity caused by my brother and my mother. Every day I say good bye to my mother as she goes off to college and prepare my own breakfast. Every day I take out my MP3 player, turn on the alarm of the house, lock the door and walk to school.

I reach school, every day I sit through accounting, composing in my head or day dreaming about places, people or ideas. I uninterestedly copy my notes and do the home work, only half my mind. Every day, I leave my accounting class hoping to run into certain friends so I can greet them a good morning. Every day I enter my chemistry class and take the notes. I see my pen against the white of the paper from the same perspective every day, the motions in my hand are the same, even the words are often the same.

Every day I go and eat lunch with my friends, every day I remember what was, I remember what I wish was and I dream more. After lunch, every day I walk to my math class with a sense of excitement, excitement of seeing a friend. Every day I leave math in a negative air, feeling like a failure for not being able to summon the required courage to talk to my friend and not completely understanding the math as well as I should. Every day I walk in silence with my friend up to my Biology class, every day I sit in my seat and dream more, about places, people and ideas. Every day, I leave my class and attend what ever club to attend before walking home listening to more music. The scene is always the same, with the constant collage of colour moving on my right and the houses on the left.

Every day I reach home and relax for a few minutes, every day I reply to any Facebook updates or forumn threads. Every day I check Cracked and Reddit, try to find some new music. Every day I pull out my Math binder and start my math home work. Every day I put away my math homework and do what ever other work needs to be done. Every day I realize how late it is and go to complete my appropriate work out. Every day after wards, I look at my guitar case with a longing deep within of the want to take it out and play before looking at the time, showering and then sleeping.

When the weekend comes, every day I repeat my motions and try to find time to relax, but find instead nothing to do with time. Every day I await with dread the day of school that comes so fast.

Every day, I repeat my motions. I try without fruit to find a purpose. What do I do this for my friends? Why do I constantly starve my heart for the greater good of my mind? So that I can receive an education.

Why do I want an education? So that I can attend university, graduate, settle in with possibly a family and get a job. Why do I then spend the rest of my life in a constant cycle of work and sleep? So that I can support myself/my family and retire in peace with a good pension plan

What do I do when I am retired? I lie in my chair thinking about how I am too old to be doing anything adventurous. I some day die. My futile life behind me.

Why do we exist my friends? Why do we get our turn to land on Earth to live in a continuous cycle of movements, a continuous endless motion. From birth to death. Why do we repeat the same motions lived by our parents and their parents and their parents before them with barely any variation often?

This is a cycle that I know does not exist only now. It is a cycle that started started from the moment we are born, that goes through different phases. Is our purpose in life simply to experience these phases for our self? Why? When the billions of humanity that came before so too did experience?

Of course there are always variations, the life cycle of one born in North America will differ from he born in Poverty in a mountain region of Tibet. But the point stands that we live this life in a continuous cycle.

What different is there between yesterday and today? When they will both be nothing but a memory tomorrow? A memory un remembered, for yesterday and today were both the same in so many ways and so the same as tomorrow.

Why do we exist like this my friends? Is it so that we may create a new stepping stone and farther reach out from what the generations have done before us? So that we can create a new platform for our children to work on? So that they can learn new things. Why do they learn new things? So that their children can learn new things, and so the cycle will go on until the end of eternity. For this is our life. This is apparently our purpose.

I suppose this all means that it's the little things in life that matter, one learns to appreciate all the little tad bits that happen on a day to day to basis, the things in between the routine.

But look at the big picture my friends, we live a futile life. There is no purpose for our existence. We will pass on our genes, so that our children may pass them on and so on, but what is there to this? When our parents too existed purely to pass on their genes to us? What is there to this endless cycle?

Alas it is, that this revelation has occurred to me. Alas it is, that realize I live for no reason.

But is this any reason for me to go and commit suicide? No, then I would simply die for no reason. I am here, there is no reasoning behind my existence, but I am here. While I am here, I shall try to make the best of my life, I shall try my hardest to create my own cycle that is unique by a greater factor to those of people around me and I urge my friends to do so as well. I shall try to create my own mark before I fade away with the sands of time.