Two Rivers - pt. 9

January 2008  

I could hear their voices even before I got to our spot - annoying idiots laughing at nothing and poking fun at each other. They were behind the trees, just down the road from school – the trees where Hamza and I met every day after class. Danish wasn't there. I could tell because of how much Feroz was talking. I'd noticed he was a completely different person without Danish - everyone in the group was. It's not like they were scared of him, but when he wasn't around everything wasn't about him anymore.

There was nothing to do but ignore them and wait. They were lounging against the wall behind the trees, and I'd been there often enough to know that it was hard to see the road from there. This was always a busy time. Cars crowded the small street, honking at each other even as kids and parents squeezed between them to cross or get to a car they'd left parked in the middle of the traffic. I'd realized the smarter parents made their kids walk down to different, less crowded roads to be picked up. Most kids were like me and walked all the way home. I imagined what a bird would see in the afternoon – a steady stream of light blue (the colour of our uniform) leaving the school and spreading out into the city, getting thinner and thinner until it disappeared.

I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently, ignoring the groups of kids (older and younger) that walked by. What was taking him so long? Eventually, the crowd dispersed and the road emptied. I kept waiting. An occasional straggler would leave the school gates alone, looking at the ground with both hands on their bag straps as they walked past me. They stared until they got close; people had been doing that more and more lately. Still, Hamza was nowhere to be seen.

And of course, that's when Feroz and his friends decided it was time to go home. I turned away as they left the trees – maybe they wouldn't see me. But they did. The laughing and joking came to a halt when one of them shouted, "hey, isn’t that the pathan boy!"

"He looks like a degenerate!"

"Hush, don't you know he's a terrorist!"

Two Rivers - pt. 8

Ahmed Gulzar
16 Cham St.
Mingora, Khyber Pakhtunkhwa
Pakistan

26th October 2007

Dear Mina,

I just saw your letter, and yesterday we saw on the TV that the army is fighting terrorists in Swat. Is that true?? What's going on? Are you okay? Is everyone else okay?

Uncle Masood tried calling, but it didn't work. Can you tell Abu to call him when you get this letter?

Don't worry about anything. The army is amazing! They have all these strong planes and tanks. They'll kill the terrorists and then you can go to school again (I don't know why you want to though, school sucks!).

Write back as soon as possible,
Alam

------------

Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Ichra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan

17th November 2007

Dear Alam,

I don't know if you've written to me recently, but I haven't gotten any letters. Uncle Gulzar isn't coming up here anymore. I guess he doesn't have any tourists. Why would anyone want to come here? Even if they did, I don’t know if the horrible Taliban would let them. I'm writing this because Aimal bhai was at the farm and he told me that he's going to go to Kalam. I asked him to get a letter to the postal service. 

Anyway, I hope you get this letter. Did you get my last one? The Taliban are everywhere. They're like the police now. But they make up their own stupid rules and none of them make any sense. Ami and I can't leave the house anymore; Abu won't let us. You can't even imagine how bored I am, Alam! There's nothing to do. I just sit here and read my old books or help Ami with chores.

Aimal Bhai's been visiting pretty often, and he's told me all sorts of things. He said that in Matiltan there's a body in the market every week. A body, Alam. They cut off the head and hang it somewhere else in the village. It's horrible. I asked Abu if it's true, but he didn't say anything...So I guess it must be. Every day, I think about all the people I know in the town, and I pray it wasn’t one of them.

Bilal got in really big trouble. I don't know what he did, but one day Uncle Rehmat came running to our house shouting that he was being punished. Him and Abu went to Matiltan together. When they came back, they were carrying him. He was crying and bleeding, so they brought him here. Ami, me and Aunty Rehmat took off his shirt (we had to use scissors and cut it off because it was stuck to his cuts). He had so many straight red lines on his back. They'd held him down and lashed him. Don't worry, he's okay now...But I've never seen him cry so much before. It must have really hurt.

Oh Alam, who are these people and why have they come to ruin our lives? They keep saying that they're bringing Islamic Law to the country, but this isn't the same Islam that Nano and Abu taught us. And Abu keeps saying that. He's so angry and tense all the time, he'll yell at us for no reason. But every night, he tells me that this isn't Islam. That these are all just bad people. He says that they will be punished in the afterlife. But I'm scared. Because Jamal isn't a bad person. And if he joined them, it's because they tricked him. Will he also be punished?

There are rumours about the army. Abu and Uncle Rehmat often talk about it quietly over dinner, and Aimal Bhai told me too. We haven't seen anything. No soldiers, no planes, nothing. But they say that the military has started fighting further South in the Valley. They say that people are leaving their homes, or that the military's bombs are killing them. They say the military doesn't care about us Pashtuns.

Alam, we all miss you so much. But everything is so terrible right now that I'm happy you aren't here. I'm happy you're safe in Lahore. Keep going to school and working hard! I wish I could.

Mina

------------

Two Rivers - pt. 7

Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Icchra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan

3rd September 2007

Dear Alam,

Today was meant to be the first day of school. I packed my bag, cleaned my uniform, and I met the other girls in Matiltan. But it was terrible...there was no school. Do you remember when I told you about the people with white flags? The ones that Abu calls Taliban? They were there. They’ve been here all summer. They drive around in their trucks and they yell at people, and they threaten them with their guns for no reason.  They’ve even told me to wear my dupatta properly. As if I wouldn’t know how to wear a dupatta! Alam, they’re the most horrible people ever.

And they were at the school today. Four of them, with their guns. They were just standing outside the door, and we were too scared to go close. There were other villagers too, and some of them went to talk to the men with guns. They said the school is closed. They said girls shouldn’t be in school. And then, it was horrible Alam. Do you remember Aunty Palwasha? She’s my teacher. Another one of them came out of the school holding her. She was bleeding and crying.

They started throwing her around, throwing her to each other and to the ground. The villagers got really angry and yelled at the men with guns. They started throwing stones. But the bad guys fired their guns into the air. Have you ever heard a gun? It’s so loud. I had to cover my ears. I took the other girls and we hid behind a house. The bad guys said Aunty Palwasha was under arrest. But the villagers were really angry, and they kept yelling and fighting and there was more gunfire and someone was screaming. We just hid. It was so scary. Do you remember Aimal Bhai? He found us, and he took us through the smaller streets and back home. They were still fighting when we left.

My hands are still shaking. Dad was so angry and upset when he found out what happened. He told me I’m not allowed to leave the house any more. I can’t even go out to the farm unless he’s there as well. What’s going to happen to Aunty Palwasha? I’m so worried. She didn’t do anything wrong! And where’s the police, Alam? Aren’t they meant to keep us safe? Where’s the army? Aren’t they meant to protect us from evil people?

Jamal is gone. I told you he’d left last winter, but none of us have seen him since. We never talk about him. I’m worried. I hope he’s okay. And I’m terrified that he might have joined these bad people. Mom is so sad now. She’s always crying. And when I ask her why, she says because both her sons have left her. And Dad is always angry. I think he’s also very upset that Jamal left. But he doesn’t cry. He just beats mom when she does.

I hope everything is better for you. Hamza sounds like a great person, I’d love to meet him. And I think Bilal would like him too. I miss you so much!

Lots of love,

Mina

Two Rivers - pt. 6

Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Icchra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan

5th May 2007

Dear Alam,

As Salam Au Alaykum my brother. If god wills, this letter will find you in good health. It’s been so long since we talked. You’ve been in Lahore for at least a year and a half now, and I hope you still remember the home you have in Swat. I know that you were angry with me when you left, but I hope that god has given you the strength to forgive.

I am writing this letter with the help of Mullah Ibrahim, who has become my mentor over the past months. He has instructed me to find peace with all those I have wronged. I’m sure that Mina has told you that I left our home and spent the last winter in Matiltan. Here, Mullah Ibrahim has opened a new madrasa that is teaching children our age the true word of god and the prophet (peace be upon him). I’m here with many children from the nearby villages and farms. We spend the day in classes and then help with chores afterwards.

Every evening after maghrib prayer, I bring tea and snacks to the main room. Here, Mullah Ibrahim and other enlightened people sit together and listen to a radio show hosted by Mullah Fazlullah. He is a wise man with some ideas on how to improve the state of our country and bring us closer to god. If possible, I recommend that you find a way to listen to his broadcasts and share them with your friends.

Once again, I hope you are in good health.

Jamal.

P.S. Alam, I am so sorry that you had to go to Lahore because of me. I hope you come back soon! I don't think Abu is angry at you anymore. He's angry at me now. Did Mina tell you anything? He was so mad when I left. I asked him if I can spend the winter at the madrasa, but Abu hates Mullah Ibrahim. He yelled at me and beat me with his stick. I ran out of the house and couldn't even take any clothes like you did. It's okay. Like the Mullah says, god sees all.

Two Rivers - pt. 5

Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Icchra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan

18th April 2006

Dear Alam,

I’m sorry this letter is late! We only just got yours from December. Uncle Gulzar was taking two tourists (from Karachi) to the mountains in the North and he dropped it off on the way. The road is still blocked by the glacier and he said his car almost fell off the mountain trying to get around it! Can you imagine??

We were so excited to see your letter! We all sat together and I read it out loud before dinner. Bilal and Uncle Rehmat were there too! Everyone misses you so much! Especially Ami, she cried and cried and I had to massage her legs before she felt better.

I wish you would’ve told us more about your school! “School is fine” doesn’t mean anything! I mean, you’re going to school in Lahore! You’ll be able to do anything you want to afterwards. Are you going to become a Doctor? Or an Engineer? Or a Businessman? Or maybe you’ll be a Politician? No don’t do that, Abu says politicians are slimy. What are your Punjabi classmates like? Did you make any friends yet? It’s been so many months, you must have made a lot of friends by now!

It’s so exciting that you’re working in a rickshaw shop. What are rickshaw’s like? How fast do they go? Are they loud? Do they smell bad?  There must be so many of them in Lahore! 

Everyone told me to tell you something, so I should do that now. Let’s see…Abu said to thank Uncle Masood again, and to keep working hard. Ami said to take care of your health, be careful and don’t trust strangers. Nano said to keep praying (and then she started praying for you). Bilal said Lahore sucks and you should come back here (he misses you so much!). And I asked Jamal to say something, but he said you’re mad at him. How come you’re mad at him, Alam??

Anyway, I’m running out of space so take care of yourself and keep working hard!

Love,

Mina

P.S. I should be able to reply much sooner next time!

Nature vs Nurture: Some Thoughts on the White Supremacy Movement

Warning: This is fully 100% conjecture and opinions that I don't have any significant amount of backing for (as usual). Feel free to verbally destroy me with intimate knowledge, scientific studies and scary numbers. But if you choose to do so, please be nice...I'm rather sensitive :(

We often talk about the idea of nature vs nurture - whether our genes or our environment are the determinants of our psychology. For all the debate out there, I feel that it is (or should be) reasonably obvious that both play a significant role in shaping our world view and personality (i.e they're not mutually exclusive). Moreover, the two interact with each other - it is in our nature to adapt and learn from the environment in which we live. That innate ability to adapt is what has made us such a versatile and successful species.

Personally, I often find myself falling on the side of nature when thinking about these things. Part of the reason why is because I really do view humans as one views animals - driven by primal desires to survive and propagate genes. This is consistent with my evolutionary worldview (that consistency being a worthy exchange for the large quantities of cynicism this type of thinking brings). The nice thing is that even if humans are ultimately animals, I'm one of them and understand their language and individuality. I also think that we have a lot more complexity and layers, so much so that connecting our actions to those primal instincts can often be difficult or impossible.

There's one more caveat to my view. I sometimes feel that we're outgrowing some of those instincts, and slowly (or rapidly in geological age), we're finding enough distractions to give life a new meaning. And our emotions are what drive us to that meaning. But I'm not sure, and maybe those emotions just ultimately tie back to a primal instinct.

As a more specific example, a lot of us have made it our life's purpose to be joyful. This makes sense to me. Joy feels good. But maybe joy exists so we re-do what we just did to bring us that joy? Maybe this is important because whatever we did pertains to survival or gene propagation. It's easy to imagine in social settings. I imagine that the nice homo sapiens sitting around their fire 100'000 years ago felt joy in each other's company just as we do sitting around a pub table sharing drinks and food with friends. That feeling of joy would encourage them to seek that experience again, and thus strengthen those bonds with their fellow tribesmen. Social bonds directly led to survival (like when your buddy saves you from a lion), as well as gene propagation/protection of offspring.

Maybe the link to modern day is direct. Like when your buddy saves you on the math exam, thus letting you pass engineering, thus reaching the promised land of attractive ladies and a successful life (note: it's a lie). But likely it's not that simple. What is clear to me though, is that our survival has always been incumbent on social interactions, and that's why our emotions are so sensitive in social settings.

Two Rivers - pt. 4

Alam Zawar
32-A Sarwar Shaheed Rd, Icchra
Lahore, Punjab
Pakistan

14th December 2005

Dear Alam,

What's Lahore like? What school are you going to? How many classmates do you have? What are you learning? Did you make any friends? Can you speak Punjabi yet?

Everyone here is fine! It's gotten cold now, and it snowed yesterday.

We all miss you so much. Especially Bilal. He was really angry and sad when he found out you were gone. Don't tell him I told you, but he was even crying. Didn't you tell him you were leaving? Now he's so lonely. I think he's sad you never said goodbye. You should write to him. Oh, Jamal says he's sad too.

Ami is always talking about you. She wanted Abu to call you every day, but he said he doesn't want to disturb Uncle Masood. That's why I asked him to get your address, so I can write to you. Make sure you reply. Send your letter to Uncle Gulzar and he can give it to us when he comes on a tour. I made him write down his address, it's on the other piece of paper in this envelope. Do you remember how to write a letter? Make sure you do it right.

I hope you're behaving. Abu was so grateful to Uncle Masood. He told us that Uncle Zubair tricked us. Did that really happen? He seemed like such a nice man. Anyway, Abu really likes Uncle Masood so make sure you work hard for him.

The glaciers are going to block off the road soon, so I might not be able to write to you again before Spring. Until then, take care of yourself and say all of your prayers.

Much love,
Mina