2013

I will accomplish the following this year:


102.5kg Clean and Jerk

80kg Snatch

~300lb Back Squat

-Pass 1B with an average above 70.

-Survive this winter work term, long and scary winter commute and all

-Find the time and energy for my guitar in these busy days

-Live life happily (hopefully.)

He fights

Whenever I start making progress in things I desire, something or another comes out of no where, whacks me down and beats me up. Sometimes I feel like giving up, I know that many others would have given up long ago. But I always remember this quote, it's really close to my heart: “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly" - Thomas Paine

He looks back through light

The pillars of creation. What an absolutely amazing and incredibly symbolic picture. I love it so much, just imagining wandering space and seeing something like this...Though I'd be so small that there's no way I could get a vantage point nice enough to see the entire thing, nor probably the heat sensing capabilities. But the really amazing thing, is that even though we have this picture...This formation hasn't existed for our entire lives...In fact, 6000 years ago it would have been overwhelmed and disappeared into the supernova around which it formed. It's similar to how we can look in the mirror and in fact we are seeing backwards in time.

He learns

Maybe for some of us it's not about the academic superiority, not about the competitive grades or the goodlife-guaranteeing-universities, maybe for some of us, doing well academically is about that moment when you learn. That moment when you connect, the spark of intuition, the realization of possibilities, the fascination with everything that is and the obsession with everything that can be.

He sees infinity

http://djer.roe.ac.uk/vsa/vvv/iipmooviewer-2.0-beta/vvvgps5.html

A picture of 1 billion stars, zoom into it, REALLY zoom into it.

See the insignificance of each star in the total?
 Every star, just like our sun that dwarfs us wholly

 What is our feeble species?

 It's funny really, people treat infinity as something that cannot be reached, cannot be seen...But all that we have to do to see infinity is actually look up at the stars. One light year alone is such a vast distance that no human mind can properly comprehend it, it's just out of our scope...Therefore, it is to us, infinity.

He promised

No, I have broken way too many promises to myself to break this one.

He ponders the moment

That one moment, where one must decide between doing what is right and what is easy.

It is always interesting, and often surprising to see what people decide, I feel like it is an indication of true character.

And he reflects on the year past

Well, 2011 has come to pass and in my procrastination I write this already a day into 2012.

It feels weird...even now I don't feel like it's a new year. This year's change does not feel as special as it did in the past. I guess a lot of it is just having experienced more years pass by, or maybe it's just because I've been distracted? (I have not). More likely, it's because I had less cause and friends to celebrate it with :P

Either way, now that the year has come to past and I can look back on it, I can see that a lot happened for me this year. I feel like 2011 was a year of significant growth and change in me.

Now the reason I'm writing this post is more so that I can look back on this in the future and read it my self. I do not expect anyone to actually care enough to trudge through a block of text of random information regarding me, but if they do...I will be all the more honored.

At the beginning of 2011, I was significantly less fit, significantly less interested in knowledge, significantly more emotional and significantly more narrow minded. I had a few worries and I obsessed over them.

My interests at this time were primarily focused around music and then some games. I loved music so much, I was sure that I would try to be a musician when I grew up.

Now however, my interests have shifted...I still adore music, yet I don't find my self picking up my guitar nearly as much as I used to...Instead my greatest interest these days surprisingly is learning. I've learned to love learning new things and thinking about the things we learn in our courses. My studies have become such a priority now. It's probably a good time for it considering how this is gr.12 and the perfect year to actually work hard in. I have learned through a hard lesson the value of hard work.

In addition, fitness has become a huge huge part of my life. I workout now, often...every week. I watch what I eat and am constantly striving to achieve my fitness goals. The difference has been huge, no one has really noticed (for which I am grateful, as it would cause people to see me as insecure) that I've lost 30+lbs and gained significant muscle mass since January. My motivation for fitness has seen me grow and change to be honest, I first started it with a sort of goal for aesthetics and impressing another, and was inspired by the weight training course I was involuntarily thrown into...Yet it's changed now. Now I want to achieve my fitness goals simply to prove to my self that through hard work, determination, dedication and discipline...I can do anything.

Which is why I message the future me who has let go and given up. I say to you Zammar, why? Why did you stop? You're an idiot. Get back into it, it's not hard...in fact, it's easy and it's so worth it! You can definitely do it again.

I have become over time fascinated with the workings of the world. I love physics to death now (though I suck at it). I've also become significantly more interested in not just how but why things work. I've started to see technology as less of an enemy and more of a friend. These and many tiny minute changes that have occurred through the past year have made 2011 significant for me.

I am no longer obsessed with the same thoughts again and again. I no longer feel restrained and shut off to so many people. I've opened up more, made many new friends. Yet my view has become so jaded. I've lost so much hope and empathy that I once had. I feel hardened and more certain and I don't really know if it's a good thing. =|

But alas we change and I can only imagine how different I will be this time next year after experiencing university for the first time.